I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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