My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
