if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
