just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
