HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
