Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
