maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
