what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
