Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
