I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
