Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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