just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I will pee on everything he values.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize