I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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