Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
