I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
