I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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