all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
