guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
