Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is it because I queefed?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
