So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize