can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
