Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
