He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
