loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
