Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
