I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
