Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
