Swine flu is the new snow day.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
