Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
