I'm laying in your front yard are you home
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
