yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
sex in a hospital.. check
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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