have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
