Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
