im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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