Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize