great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
