So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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