you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
