Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
