i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
