Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
