Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
