her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
