I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
