omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
