Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
