Buhtt sex?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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