so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
