Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
