it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
