i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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