I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
