you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
