I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
