Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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