I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
