It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
