Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
