U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So squirting runs in the family.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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