my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
