He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
