the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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