just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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