he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
