grandma shit on top of the toilet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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