We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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