I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
