I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize