So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
