we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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