Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
