i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
