i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
