on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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