Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
